DON'T READ THIS - I

Trying something new here.  Thanks to suggestions from my friend Jen and a helpful push by the blog of  Book Riot I am going to attempt to publish a smattering of the books that I hated.  Books that I couldn't get through, hated at the end, or just plain wasted my time.

I know that book reading and stories are very personal.  I respect and understand that authors go through a LOT to get their works published.  But we all know there are those books that you just want to throw across the room- and not in a good way.

Today I will start with Isabella Allende's new release Ripper

While I only got 100 pages into the book I want to vent on the use of false advertisement on the part of the marketing team that wrote the dust jacket (or in my case the online ARC description).   If you are going to tell me what the story is about (and please do, I mean what is more annoying than new books that come out with just a bunch of other authors saying how Fabulous it is, but not telling me Anything about the story!) then tell me.  Don't pull out one little thread that the author gets to eventually at 300 pages in gets to and is a bit piece of the story- this is how I came to Ripper.   I thought it was about a group of people in an online community who starts solving crimes in a S. Holmes fashion.  I thought this because this is what was told to me by the Lying marketing team.  Instead I am reading 100+ pages about the main characters mom, who is a hippy doesn't fit in with the family, and am getting a showcase of the three men that she either had slept with, is sleeping with or who want to sleep with her.  I don't care.  Beyond the first few pages that briefly describes the major crime of the book, and a short list of the characters whom I thought the story was about.

If this was a Dickens, Dostoyevsky,  Pynchon, or Tolstoy I would say alright lets wade through this it will be important later- the writer has 800 more pages to go.  This is not.  Allende's book is less than 500 pages and I just spent almost 100 on the main characters mother?  

I am saddened that this is the first Allende book that I tried.  I have heard good things about her, and I always love to read things by women authors who are not American (Allende is from Chile).  Looking at reviews on Goodreads, Barnes and Noble, and Amazon I am not alone.  Many of her long time fans are disappointed- calling it too character detailed, and long winded. 

If you want to write a character study about a group of people and a crime is being solved in the background, fine.  Just tell me that.  Don't let me read that the book is a "Fast-pased mystery".  Just tell me!! I have wasted so much time reading books that might have been great, but I was so annoyed, and confused because they had nothing, or very little, to do with what I was assured by the cover that they were going to be about that  I could not understand the story and kept waiting for the author to get to the story line, or character that I had been promised.  I fully understand that most authors  do not have control of this.  I don't really blame the author.  I blame the publishers.  But either way I am left frustrated.  

I can move quickly on from a false cover, but a false description is just a LIE!!

Please don't lie to me publishers.

Little by Little

There are some books that I am ashamed to admit that I have never read.  I think that we all (well all of the book-loving-nerd-reading-types) do it. "Of course I have read A Scarlet Letter! It has been a while, but of course!" 

Well I am going to admit it.  I spent the last couple of days reading To Kill A Mockingbird (TKAM).  It was my first time and I have done it. 

I think that this is an interesting book to review as a big book person.  As someone who has read quite a bit (if I don't say so and purger myself) on the south, racism, and Civil Rights, in fiction.  Mudbound by Hilary Jordan and the Help by Kathryn Sockett are some resent amazing books that help me draw a time period that I know, but do not KNOW, having not lived through it. The difference between these types of books and TKAM  is all in the narration.  Narration is an aspect of books that even though I find it vastly important is something that I commonly look over when I am reviewing a book- mostly I go for three things when giving a review:  Was it written well?  Where the characters believable? Was the book enjoyable/integrating? But really the narration is one of those things that can make or break a book for me.  I am not saying that this is what happened for me during TKAM, but when compared to other books that I have read that take place in the area and time relative to this, I find that I have a greater understanding with Skeeter than with Scout. While I vastly enjoyed reading TKAM I often find reading children characters a challenge, no matter the context.

Let me say that I vastly appreciate not only the history of the book, and Ms Harper Lee, I also thought her writing to be engaging, and accessible, while still holding a story line that was interesting, with mystery and foreshadowing unparalleled to first time writers. This is why this book is a classic.  But coming to the novel as an adult, I did not find it as meaningful, or as substantial as I think I would have if I had read it when I was young- as a teen or sooner.

This brings me to an idea that I have had for a while.  I think there is a time period for some books.  Now I fully concede that I might be wrong, that there are certain books that will just never stick with some people, but I originally thought this years ago when I tackled one of my best friends favorite book series- The Chronicles of Narnia.  I was only able to get through three (short) stories of the series, but found them dry, predictable, and downright boring.  I often afterwards wondered, if I had read them as a child, if I had found them before I found, say, Harry Potter, would I have enjoyed them?  They do not have the complexities of plot lines- which TKAM had far and away a great plot line, and development- and characters, but if I had not known better, would they have become a favorite for me also?

Just a question that I am pondering.

Either way my reading list is a little less embarrassing, I can hold my head a bit higher in the bookstore, knowing that I have actually read one of the books weighing on my conscience!

Impossible Lives.

Recently I finished a really, very good book "The Impossible Lives of Greta Wells" I highly recommend it, I am stuck in the world now.  

There is something about it that reminds me of the good points of The "Time Traveler's Wife" with excellent writing, and great characters.
There is a scene at the beginning where the brother and sister are walking a dog and I think that the writer brings up the best question a philosopher can bring up.
The scene goes that a nasty woman yells at the couple for their dog, saying that they are ruining the neighborhood.  The brother is physically, noticeably ill, and the awful woman just gets nastier as the scene progresses.  The brother states that they will take the dog home but he has one question for the older, mean woman.

"When you were a little girl, madam," he said gesturing to her, "was this the woman you dreamed of becoming?"

I am sure that I have heard versions of this question before, and I know it is not an wholly original concept. But there is something about the book, and the scene that makes me come back to this question over and over.  Weeks after reading it.

I am hanging the question up on my reminder board by my computer.  I am contemplating this question.  It is possible that it is just the right question to hit me at the right time.  I am graduating after a long and hard road with a Bachelors in less than a month.  My world will be turned upside down.  Maybe if this was a normal, mundane time I would not find this question so appealing.  But today, this moment I do.

I believe that the people who need to be asked this question are those people who have boring, mundane, drudgery lives, and those people who are too busy to contemplate the question.  The next time you are in line at the supermarket and you want to scream at someone, the next time you are not as nice as you should be to your waitress.

Every moment of every day we need to ask ourselves.  Is this the person I wanted to become?

On that note the best commencement speech I have come across (even more so than the glorious Neil Gaiman one that you can get here, is one I recently heard from David Foster Wallace:  This Is Water.

It is up to me to be aware of myself, and sometimes it is appropriate to ask someone
"Sir, when you were a little boy; is this the man you wanted to become?"

Be a Good Bookstore Customer

I have worked in a bookstore for a number of years and everyday I am amazed at the people I interact with.  Last week a couple of the employees were talking about what it takes for a customer to not annoy us, and for us to appreciate more than just there money (and to be truthful some of these customers I don't want your money).  Want to be one of those customers who will make our day?  Follow these 6 simple rules and get really good service, and the book that you actually want.

Know that not everyone is interested in what you are.
There is a limited space in a bookshop, it cannot carry everything.  A bookshop is also a business that has to pay the bills.  So the store carries things that sell.  Not everyone is interested in some of the things you believe are common everyday things.  So if a bookstore does not carry a particular book know that it is for a reason, it did not sell.  Sorry.  But there are other options usually the store can ship it to you.  I know in this instant gratification time that is a horrendous option.  But it is that or not have the book at all. Your choice. 

http://browse.deviantart.com/?order=9&q=books&offset=576#/d4erj0p

I have no idea what book was on that table three months ago.  
This is my number one pet peeve of customers.  If you really, really want a book know something about it.  The best thing to do if you see something that looks interesting to you is either take a picture with your phone or write it down.  Don't come in expecting a store to be laid out exactly as it was the last time you were here, and don't expect an employee to remember.  It is a rare occurrence when we have read a book or remember that book that had the word truth in the title (seriously go to a bookstore website and just type it in), or better yet that book that has a blue cover that you have no idea what it was about.  If you are nice and know more than just it's a book about a boy we will try and help but come on did you really want the book if you cannot remember more than that?

Get off your cell phone- unless you are asking someone the title or author of a book.

I will not help you.  Seriously.  I will pass right over you wither you are in an information line or a check out line because this is the rudest habit our culture has acquired.  It takes two minutes to right you up or help you find a book.  Give the person working for you the courtesy of your attention. This goes beyond the bookshop and onto any place where you are dealing with another living human. Also no one wants to hear about your personal business. I know that reality tv is teaching us differently but truly it is annoying. 

Never mention Amazon
Do some research on the company, they have been trying to take down the publishing field ever since they opened shop.  There is no one you can speak with face to face.  Also, they are our competitor.  Most bookstores are able to order things into the store, or even ship to your home right then and there at the store.  It is even worst if you grip about how there are no bookshops around and then declare that you will shop on the site that is determined to take us down.    

If you are on a tight budget tell me.
This is not a big deal to me what your budget is, I can guide you to a great paperback.  But don't ask for recommendations or specific books then bitch every time I give you a hardback.  Also don't bitch at me that paperbacks use to be $5.  I am just an employee, I don't set the price, I have no control, and really how much do you pay for your Starbucks coffee, or a movie? Books are entertainment, and often mind expanding and important, and really not that expensive when you put it in perspective.

Ask for recommendations. But don't give them.
We love books.  This is why we are here.  We read books, LOTS of them.  If you are looking for a new book, or author ask us!  This is the favorite part of my job.  Tell me what you normally read, what you like about it and don't and let me lead you to something new.  Relax and let it be a fun experience in the store.  And unless we have been talking for quite awhile and I have told you about the books that I also read and love don't give me a recommendation.  There are few things as annoying as a person who has no idea what I read telling me I have to read a book that I have no interest in.  I work in a bookstore, I know my books and if the book isn't on my reading list there is a reason for it! 

UPDATE:
After a rocky couple of days I want to add a couple of Rules.

1) Don't throw shit at me.  I am sorry that the book is a different price online, or that I don't have the version you want or whatever your complaint is.  Actually I am not if you choose to act like a jackass.  I only care if you are nice to me and I think you deserve good things.  I didn't realize that this was something that needed to be put into writing but it is never ok to throw a book at a bookstore employee.  To quote Wil Wheaton "Don't Be a Dick."

2) To go along with the above Don't Swear at Me.  Seriously.  Dropping those cute four letter words at me while I am trying to help you is not going to make the magazine I am sold out of magically appear.  Look I swear, a lot, but I don't need those words hurled at me while I am working. No one does.

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with people?  Is it too much to be nice?  And honestly if the worst thing to happen to you is that the book was a bit more expensive to get right away or the magazine you wanted is sold out and you have to drive 15 whole minutes to get it somewhere else, can you just take a moment and be thankful.  Be thankful for your health, be thankful for you full tummy, be thankful for a roof over you head, be thankful for the people in your life that put up with your upper middle class poor me bullshit.

How I choose a Book

Choosing a book.  The right book for the right time.  Is it a process?  Is it fate?  You don't just grab the first book you see on the top of the best sellers board.  It is a process. 

There are a couple of things that I always do when choosing a book.  First is sorting through recommendations.  I will only take recommendations from certain people. I have to know that they are reading at the same level I am. Yes I mean level.  I don't particularly care if they only read history books, or science fiction, or solely indie publishers, but they have to demand a level of writing where there is no need for me to take a red pen to the book.  A book that is not written at a third grade reading level- unless it is marketed to third graders. My biggest pet peeve is someone who doesn't know me enough that they would recommend something like 50 Shades where the author obviously cannot use a thesaurus correctly, or Google maps, much less cannot write an erotica book without me feeling like it is for a middle schooler (I have read de Sade trust me 50 shades is the tamest erotica I have ever seen). 

Secondly I hate the phrase "never judge a book by it's cover".  I know that things in life are not always (or usually) as they seem, and it is more than just outside appearances, it goes deeper.  I know this, but what leads you to that one thing you may never have heard of, but could possibly be the best book you have read all summer, or all year? Nothing takes me to a book quicker than a woman in a giant ball gown, a dirigible, or some fancy Moorish script. This is a society of instant gratification.  And often times when I buy a book it will sit on my shelf for a year or two before I even attempt to read it.  It must be pretty.  The cover of the book sets the stage, and the feeling of the book.  I feel this way with people too.  If you are completely disheveled I am going to treat you with more care than someone who looks completely together.  If you have on a grumpy face, I may very well avoid you completely.  Our world is just built this way and while I am all for fighting the system or "the man" there are somethings that are a loosing battle. And how hard really is it to get a fantastic piece of art for the title of a book that you may have spent years writing (yes I know it is not always up to the author, but put it in your contract!)

Next, there is nothing I like better than a catchy title.   I want to be captivated.  I want the entire experience to be just that, an experience.  I am going to spend hours reading your book, but how do I get to your book?  With titles like "I Just Want My Pants Back" and "Round Ireland With a Fridge" or "Evil Genes: Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed and My Sister Stole My Mother's Boyfriend"  If it wasn't for fun titles and beautiful covers it might have taken me way too long to find Christopher Moore, Tom Robbins, and Chuck Klosterman. Which would have been a tragedy. 

Last step for me is the first page, or even the first sentence.  I love books with amazingly interesting first lines.  My favorites are random, sometimes twisted, but always grab your attention:

"The way I see it, being dead is not terribly far off from being on a cruise ship" (Stiff, by Roach)

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." (1984 by Orwell)

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice." (One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Garcia Marquez)

"I have never begun a novel with more misgiving." (The Razor's Edge, by Maugham)

Or the one that has always stuck out in my mind:
"When all is said and done killing my mother came easily." (Almost Moon, by Seabold)

Like many things in life I want to be taken a hold of and thrown into the world that was created (real or imaginary).  

Whether the book ends up good, or satisfying is a whole other topic. But this is the first hurdle, the picking out of a book.  

So how do you go about it?

Book Review Time!

     Last night I finished Seth Grahame-Smith's Unholy Night.  This is his second adult book (first being Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter which I highly recommend).

     I really enjoyed this one.  There is a ton of action, and G-S's writing is a welcome relief from the normal crap that is getting published these days. I strive to find good authors who can tell a story with meaning, and with language. Now if you are super religious, or just do not like alternate history, this is not the book for you.  Seriously, the narrator is one of the three wise men, and he is not a great guy.  In fact the premise is that the three wise
men are all criminals.  There is also quite a bit of violence so if people getting their heads lobbed off is not your thing this is not your book.  Final warning,  this is NOT Lamb.  It is not intended to be funny.  This is the review I keep seeing for this book, and nowhere in the description can I find where people are getting that this book is humorous.  Yes there are some bits that I chuckled at, some lighthearted moments to break up the seriousness, but that is not the point.
 
     The point is that the narrator is a criminal.  And this criminal is going on an adventure, and he is going to meet some crazy people along the way.  All in all, it is a well written book, with loads of interesting characters who you can see in a new light.  So pick it up and enjoy it for what it is!

Late to the Party

I should have started blogging 2 years ago. At least.  I have had quite an eventful couple of years.  Moving, divorce, moving, moving.  My life has been in chaos, which goes perfectly with my cat who's name is Chaos.  But it is the old saying "If I would have known..." you know it, and now that I am fairly settled and happier than I could have ever imagined i am sad that I didn't take the time to document everything.  But here is the chance to tell it my way.  So sometimes I will go back in time and tell old stories but mostly this blog will be of moving forward.  I have one year of undergrad school left and then the heartbreaking reality of the "real world" will hit. That I know for sure will be a cluster fuck.  But will hopefully lend me some good stories.
And so even if I never get anyone to read this thing, here goes nothing.